Trust

With conviction you tell me
untrue impossible things
I grow quite confused, there is
no choice:
I must trust you.

Do you love me?
I love your 
solicitude.
Questions asked.
Sweat
I notice
contradictions.
It seems
you don't trust me.
I know I'm right, but you 
must be.
No one believes me,
I fear

You doubt me, accuse me,
I know that                      
confict is lethal.
My wellbeing I must 
abandon.
You say that 
a good thing
is too good for me.
I can't call that brazen,
I must adjust.            
I must trust - to adjust.

Pain.
You promise palliation.
I trust
I love you.
Break it
to make me hate you.
Promise anew,
I love you anew.
Of course I trust 
no one.

2006-12-11

A Toddler with Attitude

Vibrations of no good kind	
have somehow come to me.
I cannot tell what happened,
I have no memory,
my brainpan pulsing, empty,
I - overstrained myself?	

Then dimly I remember
that someone said something.
I only know 'delusion'
was one expression used.
It must have been: they warn me
not to delude myself
that I might be a person
- I suddenly feel hot -	
but they just want to help me
to face reality.

I still vibrate with something -
a hopeful image looms:
a grinning skull, in two parts,
cleft by a silvery blade,
some brain sprays out to hit me
and I realize
that fear of this attack
had dulled my memory,
has held the fury back.

A great hilarious barking	
explodes the company,
it's roaring, shrieking, gasping:	
A toddler! - With attitude?!

		
	2006-12 - 2007-02

man

hopelessly forging images
of yourself
a cool liar
you are
being right
punished for tentatively
being
what you'd like to appear like
how can I explain this
it seems that you must punish everyone
who
unlike you
still likes you

		27-4-01; 21-7-01