Der seltsame Ichgeschmack 
  
Wenn ich mich schmecke 
salzig oder gehemmt 
bin ich mir fremd 
scharf und gehetzt 
manchmal 
werden Messer gewetzt 
träume im Morgenrot 
denke, ich bin halb tot 
schmecke mich immer noch 
bin vielleicht doch 
halb lebendig

1997-10-16

Grabbed

The man I confused with my father
made me do things
I thought of as girl experiments
only when he grabbed me
and talked all crazy
as though I had harmed him
and didn't let go
did I recognize
my enemy

2013-09-18

Dissociation Instructions

Every situation is a situation
beginning with fear,
a contract: their expectation,
and someone trying to calm me.

It is normal to comply
while their demands grow unpleasant
the contract cannot be broken,
I'm leaving my body alone.

Can I not get away together?
A little no must be possible.
It is better to err on the no side.
The contract must be broken!

2008-05-07

Sphinx

The crazy lioness has slit me open,
I grope for anything to say to her.
My words are lost.
She never knew what drove her
fierceness or the panic to subdue.
She saw me in a mirror, sensed her father,
and shattered any evil man in there.
She drank and drank to keep the image blurry
and keep the crosshairs sharply trained on me.
Those of her crazy kind are still so furry
and still so mad at me for being there.
It is my fault because I'm contradicting,
countering her grandness with my No.
It's stupid 'cause I'm far too weak to stand her
lines of fire or the holy rage.
A man without a stomach shouldn't fight her
and diagnosed with ulcers should just die.
The open belly sheds its load of bowels,
the pighead tries to disregard the cramps.
I crawl along, still terrified and angry,
she doesn't see me since I'm
just too bad.

13. - 15.11.2008, edited 6.5.2011

Sogenannte Muttermilch

Mutter,
wenn ich Milch trinke,
trinke ich nicht deine,
dafür mehr.

Kühe sind freundlich,
Kuhaugen sehen mich treu an,
deine sehen mich schmal an,
misstrauisch, verletzt.

Was habe ich dir je getan, 
du Dicke
Leere in mir?

2010-02-20