Sad

Her 
word was that she would come.
I might not have understood her correctly
but her
word was that she would come!
I didn't even know I was waiting
until I noticed I expected 
her every time
the door opened and a voice sounded,
every time not her's.
And when 
I had told myself already
that someone who hadn't come yet
wouldn't come,
I was still waiting,
so stupid,
days later
I'm still sad.

2009-04-07

The black receiver in my grandfather's house

Telephone, telephone,
riddle of the ringtone,
the numbers make no sense.

Apparently a tool I use,
I confuse -
user and tool.

Telephone, telephone,
riddle of the ringtone,
wire on a millstone, 
round around my neck.

The earpiece, the mouthpiece,
always the same piece
lying in my hand.

Welded to a heart of bone,
while my fingers grip around
it has me -
spellbound.

Clubfoot, clubfoot
banging at my ear,
to put it down, to put it down
every time I wish,
impossible to kill it is,
recurrent dish - of fish. 

The mouthpiece sputters, spits and hits
(in backwards running time)
the dumb, the numb, the muted bum,
my face, my mouth and me.

2008-04-14

man

hopelessly forging images
of yourself
a cool liar
you are
being right
punished for tentatively
being
what you'd like to appear like
how can I explain this
it seems that you must punish everyone
who
unlike you
still likes you

		27-4-01; 21-7-01

I wonder how my uncle died

My mother's younger brother,
at 17,
training to be a pilot,
died in a plane crash, 
they told me.
It was to be expected
as, at the end of the war,
everything was breaking.
Later I couldn't but wonder
whether,
as he wasn't shot down,
his fall wasn't connected
to my grandfather 
having done 
the same things 
already to him.

2008-09-15